A well-planned holiday can be fun and educational for junior.

A FAMILY holiday, even a short one, will do everyone some good. Mundane routine gives way to spontaneity and excitement. For your toddler, holidays can be educational as well. His first encounter with the sea or his maiden ascent to a mountain resort provides many rich experiences for his development.

Nevertheless, to ensure maximum enjoyment and minimum hassle, some preparation and forethought are necessary. Picking the right kind of holiday is important.
Theme parks provide children with endless hours of fun.

Destination of choice

Ocean cruises may become frightening for toddlers when the sea turns rough. A five-city tour is too taxing for someone so young. A holiday that revolves around museums, art galleries and heritage sites will literally bore toddlers to tears. So will one that weaves in and out of shops and more shops.

Ultimately, the best choice may be a one-destination holiday that allows the family to unwind in a family-oriented resort while scheduling some kids’ activities into the itinerary.

Immunisation

If you are planning a trip abroad, find out from your doctor whether immunisation is required. You can find helpful information on potential hazards associated with international travel and ways to minimise health risks from the World Health Organization’s site at www.who.int/ith/en/index.html.

If your child suffers from allergies like eczema or asthma, the local weather should also be taken into consideration as you do not want to trigger a skin flare-up or asthma attack on vacation.

Safety first

Regardless of the mode of transport, safety should be uppermost in your mind. If you are driving, make sure your child uses a safety seat. If you are flying, it would be safer, albeit more expensive, for the child to have his own seat and be buckled up during air turbulence instead of merely being held by mummy.

If your child is prone to motion sickness, avoid giving him fizzy drinks, sour fruits and juices like orange and pineapple prior to and during travel. Discourage him from reading when travelling as this aggravates motion sickness.

If he travels poorly, ask your doctor for advice beforehand. And remember to pack some plastic bags, lots of wipes, a change of clothes, and a bottle of water in a tote bag for cleaning up should your little one vomit.

Food matters

Food can be a major problem for travelling toddlers. They may not be keen to try the local cuisine or the food may be unsuitable for them.

You might want to pack along your child’s favourite cereals so junior can enjoy a familiar and nutritious meal.

During the vacation, make sure junior gets enough water, fruits and vegetables as he may become constipated due to the change in routine and a lack of exercise.

You can stave off traveller’s diarrhoea by eating well-cooked foods, especially meats, washing fruits thoroughly, consuming only pasteurised fruit juices and milk, and observing good hygiene like washing hands properly before eating. Always choose clean eateries.

Boredom busters

Whether your little one is cruising in the air, sight-seeing in a foreign land or chugging along in a train, a tantrum may erupt and cause annoyance to others. Try to avoid tantrums by making sure that your child is not hungry, tired or bored. Have on hand nutritious snacks when meals are not available on demand. Encourage him to nap.

Pack a few of his favourite toys to occupy him. If you are driving to your holiday destination, let the whole family stretch their legs at rest stops along the way. Some rest stops have playgrounds. Allow your toddler to play a while as the exercise and fresh air will improve his mood.

Fun activities

What are some of the activities that toddlers enjoy during vacation? An all-time favourite is the local beach where junior can play with sand and water or blow soap bubbles into the sea breeze.

Remember to use sun protection cream on junior as children’s delicate skin burns easily.

Another must do is a fun-filled day at a theme park, enjoying endless rides and games. If your destination boasts of a zoo, farm or orchard that is open to visitors, do slot in a visit. Most kids love watching animals and these visits are educational, too. Sight-seeing may interest little minds but do not cramp too many attractions in a day as over-stimulation and fatigue may make your toddler crabby.

Every wise decision, from choosing a child-friendly hotel to packing comfortable clothes and down to allowing junior’s teddy bear to tag along, helps to make the holiday an enjoyable one for the whole family.

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Not keen on kindy

Some children may need help to settle down in kindergarten.

MY daughter will be five in July. She has just entered kindergarten. She’s very noisy and boisterous at home, and bullies her younger brother. But when she is outside, she is very shy. She refuses to talk or even answer questions.

In kindergarten, she doesn’t participate in class activities. She finds the activities overwhelming. She is reluctant to go to school and insists that I sit beside her. When the teacher takes her aside and talks to her, she is very friendly. She seems to enjoy one-to-one conversation. When I ask her why she doesn’t want to talk, she says she is shy.

How can I help her open up? I don’t want this to go on day after day. – Mother of Two

Children need to believe that they can achieve what they set out to do. They also need their parents and teachers to communicate that belief to them. They learn to have a positive attitude from the adults around them.

For children to discover their strengths, they need the adults around them to value their individuality and acknowledge that they do things differently. Your daughter may have a different personality from that of your son, and she handles her fears differently from other children.

Acknowledge her for who she is. Being shy is not a sign of weakness. She may be more aware of things than other children – hence her apprehension to speak up or participate in school activities for the time being. She will not answer questions she is not ready for.

Parents and teachers can reassure children that they can succeed in their struggles by sending them positive messages about who they are and what they are doing. Helping children to do the right thing is not about correcting them when they make mistakes. They need guidance as well as emotional support for their efforts.

Your daughter has just started kindergarten. She is wary of her new school environment and the people there. As time passes, she will eventually adapt to the school routine and social circle. Her reserved behaviour may only be temporary. She will be ready in her own time.

Avoid labelling her as shy or stubborn. This may diminish her self-confidence and make her feel inadequate. With a little brother at home, she may constantly feel that she is in competition for attention and affection.

Do not make comparisons. It may make her feel unloved for who she is. She may develop low self-worth and think that she is not good enough.

Say something positive about her every day. Parenting so often involves the need to correct, to discipline and to judge. You may go through a day easily without having said anything nice to your eldest child. It is worth your while to say something nice to her. She may, in turn, do the same to her younger brother.

You may want to spend one-on-one time with your daughter. Read to her and ask her what she thinks of the story. Listen and talk with her to find out how she feels about being in school and at home.

Exchange ideas with your child on what to do in school and at home. If she has difficulty speaking up in school, do some pretend play with her. Give her a script that she can use and help her to practise her lines. As she gains confidence, she will start using her own words.

We do not always have the right answers as parents, but we have the skills to solve problems. Show your daughter various ways she can handle difficulties in school. She can learn from you how to get positive attention from her teacher and friends on a daily basis.

Children like to be praised for what they can do. If you give her encouraging words for her effort in an activity, she may feel she has succeeded because she has tried. Eventually, as she becomes more skilled and experienced, you may see startling results.

While your daughter is adjusting to life in kindergarten, do expect ups and downs along the way. Her fears and frustration in the early days will slowly disappear when she knows that you are not angry or upset with her. Stay calm and in control even when things are rough. Your daughter will appreciate your effort and understanding in helping her through this challenging time.

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Good dietary habits

Your children’s daily experiences with food will shape the way they view nutrition.

SIX-year-old Kumar is a happy and healthy kid, but when it comes to mealtimes, he often eats nothing but yellow noodles for weeks on end. No rice, no vegetables, just yellow noodles. Once in a while, to break the monotony, Kumar has some peanuts.

Anne, Kumar’s playmate, is quite the opposite. When her mother prepares noodles, she insists on rice. When mum prepares rice, she’ll ask for bread. Her mum has become so frantic that she arranges special meals for Anne while the rest of the family has their regular meals.

Anne’s best friend, Laili, refuses to eat anything remotely green. She screams when she sees veggies on her plate, and throws tantrums when given green apples. Her mum has given up bribing the five-year-old with candies and toys to get her to eat her greens.

Do any of your children behave like Kumar, Anne or Laili when it’s time to eat? If they do, don’t worry. Eating can be a chore for many children between the ages of one and 10. In fact, 45% of children face one problem or another during mealtimes.

There are all sorts of reasons why children become selective eaters. It could be due to a lack of familiarity with food or insufficient food variety and/or quality. It may be because your children are distracted during mealtimes. Your children could also be asserting their new-found independence. Perhaps they’re frightened by some kinds of food.

Children often look up to their parents. Are you setting the right example for your kids in terms of food choices and mealtime habits? Ask yourself these questions:

• Do you generally eat an unhealthy diet that’s high in fat and low in fibre?
• Do you eat out more often than you eat in, as a family?
• Do you snack in front of the TV instead of having a proper meal at the dining table?
• Do you make negative comments about foods you dislike in front of your kids?
• Do you have second or third helpings despite feeling full?
• Do you habitually skip meals, especially breakfast?

As parents, you have a responsibility to teach your children good eating habits and about nutrition. It starts with you practising good habits yourself. Your children won’t perceive healthy eating to be a priority if it isn’t something they see you doing.

Understanding the basics

It’s important that you understand the basics of good nutrition yourself. Having sufficient knowledge about nutrition enables you to model the right habits and behaviour, and motivate your children to do the same. Not sure where to start? The Food Pyramid Guide is the most widely accepted reference on healthy eating. Read it and understand its key principles.

Regular family mealtimes

One simple and effective way to instil good eating habits in your kids is to start having meals together as a family. Eating together encourages your children to be more receptive to food and increases their food choices. They also learn portion control, since there’s only so much food placed on the table for everybody. Create a pleasant, relaxed atmosphere around the dining table.

Clean up your fridge

If your refrigerator is stocked with chips, fast foods, fizzy drinks and sweets, it’s time to rethink your food choices. Make a healthy statement by stocking on more fruits and vegetables. If you need snacks in the house, stock up on wholesome ones such as wholegrain crackers, wholemeal sandwiches, cereals, milk and yoghurt. Make these healthy snacks visible and easily accessible to your kids.

Everything in moderation

Watch your eating habits because your children are watching them too! The key principle here is to take everything in moderation, whether it is a sweet dessert or wine after dinner. Watch your portions and maintain a good variety in the types of foods that you eat.

Have fun being active

Good nutrition isn’t just about what or how much you eat. It’s also about being physically active. Incorporate physical activity into your daily routine. The key is to have fun. Once your children see you living and enjoying the active lifestyle, they will follow suit.

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Concerned about teen son

I HAVE three children aged 15, 13 and nine. The eldest and youngest are doing fine at school. However, I am concerned about my 13-year-old son. Since Year One, he has not been doing well. He is not interested in his studies. He has a lackadaisical attitude towards anything related to studies. He also has poor personal hygiene.

He does not show any concern at all, even when sitting for his exams. He just takes the days when he has exams like any normal day. He prefers to while away his time on other things, rather than revise his schoolwork.

He expects us to give him all the answers. Every time his father and I coach him, we are the ones doing all the talking; he maintains a silence throughout.

He refuses to think or put more effort in his studies. He has poor power of recall and cannot remember much of what has been taught. And, he gives up easily.

When I asked him what he wants to be when he grows up, he replied that he wants to be a teacher. There were times, too, when he asked his school friends for money and got into trouble.

I have noticed he likes to pretend to be a teacher. He would pretend to teach using the white board, when he’s in his room. He also likes to play computer games. He’s very good at helping out with household chores. He does these voluntarily and without hesitation. He will help to conserve energy at home when no one is in the room, help to lay the table for dinner and get it ready, and help the maid with the dirty laundry. He is also observant, inquisitive and has a good memory for other things not related to studies.

I am very worried about his future. I have scolded him many times and asked him to change his attitude and show more concern for his studies and personal hygiene.

However, I have yet to see any improvement. I have told him that I foresee a bleak future for him, given the fact that he is not knowledgeable, lazy to think for himself and has a negative attitude.

What can I do to motivate him to do better in his studies and show an interest in personal hygiene?

Worried Mum

Your middle child, at 13 years old, has been looked upon as the “black sheep” of the family. Compared to his older sister and younger brother, he appears to be an under-achiever. It must be hard for him to feel motivated when he is often regarded as the one who is not doing enough in the family.

I am glad you notice that he is good with chores and is helpful. His strengths, which you have highlighted, should be the starting point for you to work with in order to motivate him to change his negative ways. He has probably tuned out to all that talk about his negative behaviour and lack of interest in his studies.

Your son is now entering the teenage years. He is at the age when he has more questions than answers. Your son is at a vulnerable age. He is undergoing tremendous changes in all aspects of his life – physically, emotionally, socially, cognitively and spiritually. Parents must learn to deal with the changes in their children’s development and help them to face the challenges in positive ways.

If you want to motivate him to learn, make the subject exciting. Take the lessons out of the classroom and make them come alive for him. Instead of the drill and grill style of teaching, help him to embark on a journey of discovery. Lead him on to discover interesting facts and experiences. Make the school lessons part of his practical living.

As for the lack of interest in his personal hygiene, you may want to point out to him the pros and cons of keeping clean. No one likes to be near someone who smells or looks like he has not washed for ages. Make a list of self-grooming tips and ideas on how to take care of personal hygiene. Show him the list and tell him that you trust he will practise good personal hygiene because he wants positive attention from his friends.

The best thing you can do for your son is to give him wings and roots. He wants to feel independent and be in control of certain aspects of his life. If you are constantly telling him what to do and scolding him for not doing what you have asked of him, he will not be able to learn to make his own decisions and set goals for the future.

Set aside time and effort to listen to what your 13-year-old likes and talk about his interests. You will gain far more when you start focusing on what he is good at, rather than what he is not doing well in.

Your son needs practice in making judgments on his own and he needs you to listen to him and support him. This is how he can use his intelligence and put it into action

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In trouble for being inquisitive

MY son, who is nine years old, studies in a Chinese school. He is intelligent and a top student. My problem is he is very talkative, inquisitive and at times, annoying. Every answer is another question to him.

Since he started Primary One, my advice has fallen on deaf ears. He gets punished every day for talking in class. When I queried him, he replied that he could not control his mouth from talking.

I do not want him to be severely punished by the teachers for talking in class. Punishment – a blue-black thumb; a plaster over his moth; caning on his palm – does not seem to stop him from talking. I do not want to be called up to meet his teachers. Please advise me as to how to get him to keep quiet and behave in class. - Worried Mum

I FEEL sorry for the way your son is being treated in school. It is obvious he is interested in learning. Children who want to know more are often inquisitive and talkative. The problem lies with the teachers who treat them badly.

Set up a meeting with your son’s class teacher and have him sit in during the discussion. Your child needs to hear what his teacher has to say about his talking in class and her/his suggestions on how he should behave when he has a question or an idea he wants to share.

You may suggest to your son that he try writing down his ideas and approach his teachers when they are done with the class. Instead of constantly interrupting a lesson, he can contribute to it by taking notes of what the teacher says that intrigues him. When he is inspired to speak out loud, he may want to seek permission in a polite way.

MY three-year-old daughter has been sucking her thumb since birth. I tried giving her the pacifier but she always spat it out. She will poke her thumb into her mouth before sleeping or whenever her hand is not occupied with anything.

Now that she can understand things better, my husband and I have explained to her many times the negative effects of thumb-sucking (i.e. ingesting all the germs, the risk of bad breath, having others tease her, etc). But she doesn’t seem to care. A few times, her thumb even got sore from the sucking.

How can I stop her bad habit? Should I try putting something spicy on her thumb, following the old wives’ tale? - Helpless Mummy

THUMB-sucking is a common behaviour among toddlers. It is unsightly and embarrassing for parents, who worry that this habit will continue when the child is older. But is it really a problem? For whom?

Most children stop sucking their thumb by the time they go to kindergarten. Occasionally, some children may do it when they feel bored or anxious. In my opinion, thumb-sucking is more of a problem for parents than it is for children.

If you are really worried about her thumb getting sore, you can help her to keep it clean. Make sure you show her how to wash her hands and dry them. Remind her to wash her hands before and after she eats. You can start to teach her personal hygiene so that she will be healthy and happy.

You can also get your daughter to spend more time doing things with her hands. Plan hands-on activities such as playing with puzzles, play-dough, water and sand, paper-cutting with scissors, and threading with beads.

The idea is that the more time she spends working with her hands, the less time she will spend sucking her thumb.

To successfully get rid of this problem, your daughter has to be ready to do so. When she feels confident and secure, she may not need to do any thumb-sucking. So, avoid scolding or punishing her for her habit. Instead, focus your attention on helping her to feel good about herself.

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Growth rates

Monitor your child’s weight and height regularly to assess if he is receiving the right nutrition to grow and develop well.

AS a paediatrician, I often have parents approaching me with many questions about their children’s growth. One mother was concerned about how small her son looks compared with other kids in his class, while another was worried that her daughter’s picky eating habits would affect her growth in the long run. Just the other day, a couple wondered if their son’s rapid weight gain was a sign that he would have weight problems later on as a teenager.

As parents, we are all concerned about our children’s growth, especially during their formative years. However, questions on your child's growth cannot be answered off the bat as every child grows at his or her own rate. Comparing your children with someone else’s isn’t a reliable way of gauging growth and could lead to unnecessary worry. What you can do is keep an eye on how they’re growing and this is best done using the growth (or anthropometric) chart.

Growth charts enable parents to track their children’s growth over time and monitor how they are growing in relation to other children in that same age group. By using a growth chart to plot your child’s growth, you can detect under-nutrition, overweight and obesity, and other growth-related conditions and address them at an early stage.

There are different weight and height charts relative to age for boys and girls because their growth rates and patterns differ.

Children aged two years and above should have their weight and height measured every six months. All you need is a reliable weighing scale, a measuring board (e.g. a measuring tape properly stuck to the wall from the floor level) and the appropriate weight-for-age and height-for-age growth charts. Visit mypositiveparenting.org/growth-charts.htmor who.int/childgrowthto download and print the latest World Health Organisation growth charts. Specific instructions are available online to show you how to properly measure your children’s height, weight and how to plot your results on the chart.

Just because a reading is high or low on the chart doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s a problem. Growth charts are designed to show your child’s growth patterns over time. This is more important than what his weight or height is at any one time.

After the first two years of life (when growth is the most rapid), children should grow along the same percentile. For instance, if your child’s weight is within the 15th percentile, he should be gaining weight steadily within the 15th percentile throughout. It is cause for concern if his weight were to drop suddenly or gradually.

Growth disturbances

How well your child grows is influenced by several factors, namely nutrition, genetics and hormones. Here are some things to watch out for when plotting your child’s weight and height:

Sudden weight drop or spike

The first thing to look at is your child's nutrition. Is he eating well? Is he lacking any nutrients? Apart from nutrition, parents should see if their children have any illnesses like urinary tract infections, a chronic illness or if they’ve just recovered from an episode of diarrhoea. All these things can cause weight loss. If the height of the child has crossed the centile lines, he may have a chronic illness.

Overweight

If your child’s weight is above the 85th percentile, it means your child is overweight. It’s also useful to look at your child’s weight gain trends. For instance, he was within the 50th percentile a year ago and the figure climbed up to the 60th percentile three months later and up to the 70th percentile in another three months. This clearly means an increasing weight problem.

Underweight

A weight measurement below the 15th percentile is a sign of underweight. Similar to the point above, if your child’s weight seems to be declining at each measurement.

Too tall

Is your child unusually tall for his age? This is rare and may be due to genetic factors or hormone problems.

Too short

Being short isn’t necessarily a problem as a child’s height is often influenced by his parents’ heights. However, you may be concerned if your child doesn’t register any height increases for two consecutive measurements.

In such cases, parents should bring their children to the paediatrician for a more thorough examination. The paediatrician will be able to detect if there’s something seriously wrong with your child and address the problem early on.

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What’s your child eating?

Meeting your child’s daily nutritional needs.

WHAT exactly is a healthy diet? It is one that has variety and balance. This is important because various foods provide different nutrients and in different amounts, and your child needs them to grow and develop healthily.

The principle of variety and balance can be seen in the Food Guide Pyramid – the essential reference for a healthy diet for young children between two and six years old.

Let’s start from the base of the pyramid – carbohydrates. These foods are good sources of energy and should make up the bulk of your child’s diet. Filling, nutritious and yet low in fat, many carbohydrate foods also provide fibre, minerals and vitamins.

The following are some examples of one serving of carbohydrate foods: 1 cup of porridge; ½ a chapatti; ½ cup of cooked rice; ½ cup of noodles; 1 slice of bread. Do vary the types of carbohydrate foods your child gets.

Let half of your child’s total carbohydrate intake come from whole grain cereal and cereal products as they are high in fibre. Do not assume that carbohydrate foods are rich in fibre just because they are brown in colour.

If your child refuses to eat whole grain foods, try combining with non-whole grain alternatives. Pair a slice of ordinary white bread with a slice of whole grain bread to make a sandwich. Mix white and brown rice.

Move one level up the Food Guide Pyramid and you have vegetables and fruits. These provide the vitamins and minerals required to build a strong immune system and ensure overall well-being.

Offer your child vegetables and fruits, the more colourful the better! Dark green (leafy vegetables), light green (pears), orange (carrots), red (tomatoes), yellow (bananas) ? let your child enjoy them all.

Fruits are best eaten fresh and whole. If you decide to give your child fruit juice, make sure it is fresh with no added sugar. Limit your child’s intake of packaged juices and fruit drinks that are high in sugar.

Many parents find that children are more receptive to fruits than vegetables. However, it is important that you give both fruits and vegetables as you cannot substitute one for the other.

Fish, lean meat, poultry, egg, beans and other bean products are good sources of protein. Many of these foods are also rich in iron, a mineral that your child needs to obtain from his diet as his iron reserves have started to deplete since he stopped breastfeeding.

Examples of one serving include 1 medium-sized chicken drumstick; 1 cup of beans; 2 matchbox-sized pieces of lean meat. However, excess protein is converted to fat and stored in the body, so give protein-rich foods in moderation. Go for lean or low-fat meat. Serve it baked, broiled or grilled instead of fried, and always discard the skin.

Your child should receive protein from animal and plant sources. Include beans, bean products and pulses in your child’s food.

Milk and dairy products are to be taken moderately. They are excellent sources of calcium and are also good sources of protein, vitamins and minerals. Examples of one serving include 1 cup of milk; 1 cup of yoghurt; or 1 slice of cheese.

Your child needs fats for physical and mental development, so go for full cream milk. Avoid sweetened condensed milk and evaporated milk which have low nutritional value.

The Food Guide Pyramid doesn’t state serving sizes for “fats, oils, sweets and salt” because consumption should be kept to a minimum. So watch your child’s intake of fats and oils as excess can lead to being overweight and other health problems.

Sugar-laden foods are high in calories and most tend to be low in nutrients, so limit your child’s intake. Salt is required in small amounts and excess is unhealthy. Try not to add salt to foods. Avoid processed meats (for example, sausages and luncheon meats), and salty snack foods (for example, chips).

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